Lost and Found

I have been watching Schitt’s Creek on Netflix. It’s delightful. So many lessons of hope and love and coming together during tough times, all wrapped in sarcastic hilarity.

One of the characters, Stevie, got dumped, hard. The matriarch of the family, Moira Rose, appears on her doorstep with wine and a new project, saying, ” I heard there’s been a loss.” In the course of the conversation, heartbroken Stevie tearfully referred to her loss, and Moira responds aghast, “Oh no my dear, not your loss, HIS.”

I started to cry.

Shortly before we met, my most recent ex paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for the best attorneys in order to get acquitted of rape and sexual assault charges. (He did plead guilty to charges of sexual battery and is currently on probation for such).

Even knowing this, I chose to listen to “his side” and to see the best in a human being I now know is a sexual predator.

I loaned him ten thousand dollars for a truck and business that now allows him to earn more than I do.

I opened my home and heart to him for four months, with no contribution or expectation of such, from him.

All this, and he chose alcohol over me.

**He is paying the money back, but attempting to manipulate the situation with continued professions of love and care.

I feel powerless. I just want to get paid and have this nightmare be over.

AND, I feel like the bad guy always wins.

But did he win?

I mean, he lost me.

And my friends and family say that’s a loss. (I may not always see it, so it’s nice to have the confirmation)

And me? I’m finally working on FINDING me. Winning me.

After dating a string of toxic men, this one was bad enough to wake me up a bit.

So, I’m single. I’m dating here and there, taking care of me, and setting healthy relationship boundaries for the first time in a long long time.

Yes, there has been a loss. His.

And after all this, I’m finding me.

Light and Love,

BL

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