In The Secret Life of Bees, the main character’s house is Carribean Pink, even though, we come to discover, her favorite color is blue.  August chose to paint her home this color because her younger sister, May, lit up with delight upon discovering the cheerful hue at the paint store.  May struggles with the weight of the world, and August wisely explained, “The color of a house is far less important than May’s happiness.”  She further explains that the problem is NOT that people don’t know what is important, but that we struggle to make the important choices.

Important choices.  Love.  Kindness.  Compassion.  Generosity.  Family.  Friends.  Connection.  Laughter.  Health.  Peace.  Joy.

Every day, I have the opportunity to choose all of the above.

Some days are better than others.  Some days I choose addiction, sickness, dysfunction, numbing, anger, bitterness, self-loathing, and hate.

In my years of single life and dating, I have claimed to want my forever.  And I date men who claim the same.  Yet we all choose the unimportant over the forever.

I have chosen addiction and work over connection.  True intimacy takes presence and time.

I have chosen to rush and force rather than let things unfold and develop.  True intimacy takes presence and time.

The most intimate, trusting, and meaningful relationships in my life are with my with my children.  I had every intention of doing the six week stay at home then back to school, career, work, LIFE.  Then I met my son.  And 23 months later, I met my daughter.  And I loved them unlike anything or anyone I had ever experienced or expected.  Who knew?  I loved the little buggers.  And I knew no one would love and teach them like I would.  So, I changed my plans and full time mommed for 17 years.

Best important choice I have ever made.

My daughter recently asked me what my greatest contribution to the world has been.  My children.  Without a question or doubt.  And that contribution took time, effort, tears, frustration, patience, and love.  The “quality” time that so many busy people speak of?  That comes during and after the quantity; not in lieu of.

Dating?  Love?  Connection? Forever?  That takes time, effort tears, frustration, patience, and love.

I recently went on several dates with a gentleman who has every material need met, and more.  Two homes, two cars, and I’m sure more THINGS that I am not aware of.  He is 63 years old, and ended things with me because his newest business venture is taking off, and he does not have the time to devote to dating.  (may or may not be true…he just might not be into me)

Initally, he told me he wanted love.  Forever.  The whole thing.  But his behavior belied his words.  He wants more money and status.  Or he just didn’t want me.  lol.  Could go either way.

My point?  Does my behavior match my professed desires?  Am I making the important choices?  Or am I making the easy and habitual ones?

May I choose wisely.


Light and Love,








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