Work and Struggle

Relationships should be work, not struggle.

I have been divorced over 10 years, and for the first 8 of those years, I dated men who were good companions, but not forever partners.  I held a lot of guilt and shame for my divorce and just didn’t think I deserved another shot at my 50+ years.

Then, my mom died.  And a lot of things changed.  My diet, my mindset, my focus in life, and my attitude towards relationships.  My parents were married for 58 years, and I want that.  Their marriage was by no means perfect, but they loved above all else, so the work and disagreements came in a distant second.

In the day of internet dating, it is increasingly easy to swipe or click at the first sign of difficulty in a relationship.  The grass is always greener attitude keeps people single and searching for a lifetime.  I made a conscious decision to take more time, meet more people, and put in the work necessary for a lasting partnership.

I ended up engaged to a man who was abusive and damaging.  Because, I was working, while he was constantly telling me how lacking I was.


But I had committed.  So, when it finally ended, it was his decision.  Yet, I was the one who dodged a bullet.  I had mistaken struggle for work.

No one should struggle in a relationship.  No one should struggle to feel loved, seen, understood, heard, and appreciated.  Work is compromise, sharing, growing.  Struggle is being beaten down and constantly trying to change who you are in order to find approval.

May I ever remember the difference.

Light and Love,


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