During this entire journey from depressed (at times suicidal), anxious, and just overall isolated and miserable, to the relatively happy and connected individual I am right now,(that is such a scary and bold statement for me to make:  I am happy.)  ONE truth has become apparent over and over again.

MY body is the best doctor in the room.

FOR ME.  (My body is not the best doctor for you, YOUR body is doing that quite nicely.  Remember, I am NOT your Jedi Master.)

I spent my entire life disconnected from my body. Full of shame about my body and my very gender. Hating. Mistrusting. Punishing. (Sexual abuse will do that, but even if that’s not your experience, you may still feel the same emotions and need to escape your very flesh) My body was the enemy. My body a doctor?  Not likely.

I have since come to realize, my body has been SCREAMING at me for 45 years. Telling me that how I was eating, moving, and thinking WAS NOT WORKING.

Are you:

  • Depressed?
  • Exhausted?
  • Anxious?
  • Fat?
  • Sick?
  • Chronically ill?
  • In pain?
  • Angry or full of rage?  (that’s actually one manifestation of depression)

That is your body and brain begging for change.

Change requires TWO steps or ingredients if you will. Simple, but difficult.

  • KNOWLEDGE.  Your body is providing you with knowledge and data every second of every day.  
  • AND ACTION.  Only you can take action.  Action is a choice you make, every second of every day.  

One without the other is worthless.

I try, not always successfully, to base my actions on the following question:

Will this action bring joy?

Will this person, substance, activity bring joy.  Not just FLEETING pleasure, but true, deep, lasting JOY.  Joy to me, joy to those around me, joy to my community, joy to the world.   If the answer is HELL YEAH, then get on with my bad self.  If the answer is maybe, or no, then I TRY not to proceed.

This criteria for action requires me to be incredibly aware and mindful.  Cognizant.  Thoughtful.  PRESENT.  Numbing is not on the list.

Note:  I fuck up all the time.  And I get back up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

If what you have done for your isn’t working, why on earth are you still doing it? Listen to your body.  Listen to your big ole juicy brain.  Listen to your heart.  Listen to your gut.  I promise they’re talking.   Listen.  AND TAKE ACTION!  Do something!  Even when you choose to do NOTHING, that is a choice, and there are consequences, positive or negative.  EVERY action or inaction is a choice with consequences.


Find Joy. Health. Wealth. Glow. Flow. And show up to the world with love and the divine light that is INHERENTLY WITHIN YOU.

I share these photos because the changes in my body can be seen. The changes in my mind and heart are a little more difficult to capture. All that being said, I was suicidal and committed to a mental hospital when I was teaching 20 aerobics classes a week, racing bikes, and doing a very regular bikram practice. So the body is NOT always a reflection of the mind and heart, nor is it a guarantor of JOY. But photos are what I’ve got. Longest caption ever.

Light and Love,

Big Laura

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  1. laura, Again,,love your intellect and insight!! You are a blessing and inspiration! Thank you for sharing.. The push I needed! Love you!


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